Who we are, and who we would love to be.

Everyone would like to be a better version of themselves than they are. Except for the people who want to be someone else, which of course is just a recipe for misery.

Mind you, I find the journey to a better me to be pretty frustrating at times. I can see that better life, healthier, kinder to others, calmer in myself… But it’s just not something I can manage alone.

My morning Bible reading reminded me that in fact, we aren’t meant to do these things alone. They are the fruit of the spirit. That is, as we seek God first, he is able to work out a better version of us as we go along.

It has always mattered to me, but has been brought into sharp focus as I approach the mid way point of my pregnancy.

Now I don’t just want to be a better me for my family and for the young people I work with… But R and I’s child… The one that for all these years we thought was impossible.

Even in the face of a miracle, change is mundane. Longer walks with the dogs, starting a gentle exercise routine at home and a new drive on healthy eating:

 That and a renewed desire to meet each day with Jesus, knowing it isn’t by might or power that things change, but by his Spirit.

Review: The Shadow Doctor by Adrian Plass via @Hodderfaith

Adrian Plass writes at the beginning of his book:

This book, probably the most difficult I have ever written, is dedicated to my friends.

I can see why it was so hard to write. It is a beautiful, painful and deeply honest book about how hard life can be, how we think it should be and how it actually is.

It could only be have written by someone who understands suffering and it’s challenge to faith first hand.
I thought reading the blurb it might be one of those books where the protagonist offers beauty and light in a dark world and you go away feeling warm and fuzzy.

It wasn’t. It was so much better than that.

I don’t really want to recount any of the story but instead to encourage you to read it yourself.

Adrian Plass communicates truths through his rich and vivid story telling style which I don’t think I would have been able to receive through a sermon. 

The Shadow Doctor allows you to travel with its characters as they search for answers to faith and suffering. So much better than being “taught at” if you see what I mean.

I read this book with an ache in my heart but I finished it with such hope for the journey. I am profoundly grateful for the sacrifice Plass obviously made in writing this book.

I hope you will read it… Preferably more than once.

Book review: Finding God In The Waves by @mikemchargue via @hodderfaith

I’m not a fan of every book I review (although I always try to be respectful) but in this case, I am an all out fan. 

Mike’s book is honest, thought provoking and deeply encouraging. And besides, any book that provokes this many book marks has to be worth a read:

Mike takes us through the journey of his faith, doubt, loss of faith and return to a new deeper relationship with Jesus Christ. He also offers a way forward for anyone who is interested in faith but doesn’t want to compromise their integrity by pretending science doesn’t matter.

Although I found many of the difficulties Mike has faced didn’t apply to me, I still found all he had to say a trigger to exploring my own faith more deeply. And for anyone who has come or is coming from the same place as Mike, the book will be a God send.

While I found most of Mike’s axioms not enough – he states that each is at least– I found his Bible one to be what I have always believed and was taught at home:

THE BIBLE is at least a collection of books and writings assembled by the Church that chronicles a people’s experiences with, and understanding of, God over more than a thousand years. Even if  that is a comprehensive definition of the Bible, study of Scripture is warranted to understand our culture and the way in which many, many people come to know God.

I would add that it is also a way in which God speaks to me today.

Perhaps that is why I have never seen an argument between science and faith in my own life.

I do see it in people all around me though, especially amongst the young people I work with and Mike’s book is invaluable to me as a window into that perspective and a help in it.

Mike also has much to say about how the church treats other views to its own and how it deals with doubt and I found myself cheering him on as I read. We all need to learn that being a bully (ie stamping on someone else to make yourself feel better) never did win converts or keep people faithful.

Finally, I found myself deeply encouraged by Mike’s attitude and obvious, overflowing love for people and God. I finished the book truly blessed and I think you will too.

You can buy it here: Amazon

And here: Eden

You can also find Science Mike’s weekly podcast on iTunes and podbean.

Something new, something old and preferably nothing blue.

So apparently the meaning of my life starts today, as I turn 42 😊

And I am planning to take hold of this coming year with both hands.

I saw a @tearfundlife  article recently on how our lives can be a place:

where the outsider is brought close, the excluded are ushered in and the down-trodden are given refuge.

This matters a great deal to me and I want my life to be:

  a roaring fireplace of safety and warmth, rather than a mat that tells you to wipe the dirt from your feet before entering.

So figuring out what that looks like this year is my top priority.

I have other priorities, never stop learning, keep on being creative, find wonder wherever I can and stay well.

So my something new is going to be joining a flower arranging club in January.

My something old will be continuing the diploma I have been doing… well forever really. And the future learn courses I have on the go, and maybe one or two more.
Finally I intend to keep in top of my health, so no blue for me hopefully,  just the gym, proper sleep, lots of prayer and healthy food.

I wonder, what would your old, new and not blue things be?

A fresh start or, the #meaningoflife is #42

It has been a truly horrible autumn. R and I have unexpectedly and at great speed lost an immediate member of R’s family. Separately I have had to face the fact that instead of fully living the life i have, I’ve been desperately clinging to the hope that I might still have a child.
The grief of both these things has floored us. But in spite of all the darkness, Christ’s goodness has shone though. Our church has been deeply compassionate towards us, demonstrating what it really means to be God’s people, in their love for us.

I have handled a lot of all our circumstances really badly and I am grateful for a forgiving husband and a forgiving God. But now it’s time to start again, to set out  on the road once more. We will both journey with grief a good while longer, but I know that the Father has our back.

The broken pieces of our lives will be mended with the gold of Christ’s compassion and we will be called beautiful because of it.

I turn 42 on Thursday and as anyone aquainted with the hitch hikers guide to the galaxy will know, 42 is the answer to  the meaning of life…
I intend to make 42 a year of entering into  the life I have and celebrating all that God has given R and I by living in the hope that Christ has set before me. 

That, in him I can be a force for good. That through him, I can create joy, love and worship for his glory.

May the meaning of 42 be as my dad taught me years ago:

Ours the task

Others the benefit

To God the glory.

#GoodFriday a #poem

I have died
A thousand tiny deaths
Only to find myself
Rising up
Back where I started,
A little older
Perhaps a little wiser.

But now my soul
Grows old with weariness,
Life grinding to a halt.

Bury me with You.
Kill off once and for all
Every thing which chains me
Ankle to old earth.

Change me in this fertile soil
Cause my life to germinate
Raise me up with You
To grow and flourish
As I should do:
Shelter for the lost
And food for the pilgrim.

All my life an offering
For your Glory.

#poetry You make the way

With every breath
I see you
Your better nature,
Balm to my
Dust caked soul.
You make the way.

It is on the road
That we meet you,
It’s the journey
That makes us,
The now which
Forms us.
You make the way.

And in each leaf
Every blade of grass
In bird song and rain
In clear blue sky
And movement of trees,
I see you.
You make the way.

Today’s #poem and #doodle On the way up

Meek and mild
Maker of stars
Quiet conformity
Over turner of tables
Which Jesus
Should i follow?
Is ambition sin
Or saintly?
Should i stick to faithfulness
Or dream of success?
Or as there is
Only one Jesus
Perhaps i can have
Both.

#Poetry anthology, Learning to Love

Proost have just published an anthology of poetry called Learning to Love, which i am very excited about because three of my poems are in it!
The whole book is lovely and you can find out about it here:

http://proost.co.uk/learning-love