Ways to help people in your life when they are low or depressed

I have, over the last few weeks, taken part in a course which looks at what Jesus had to say about blessing and the kind of people who find blessing. It is a practical course where we are set tasks to do each week. This week has been about being a blessing through seeking justice.

Imagining how we would like the world to be and doing something practical about it. This post is my attempt at that.

To be honest, most of my suggestions on helping people find their way through life when depressed or low comes down to things that I have found work, or things I would find a blessing myself.

Depression sucks.

It has been to some degree or another, a feature of most of my adult life. Like so many, the last 12 months have magnified it considerably. I have had more trouble with it over this last year than I have for the best part of ten years. On the bright side, I am also much better equipped to deal with it than i was in the past, but it still sucks.

Photo by Vitor Koshimoto on Pexels.com

It is worth bearing in mind that the spectrum of low through to really really depressed is both wide and deep. And how you help will depend on how well you know the person, how much (or not) they want to be helped and how much you are able to give without shooting yourself in the foot.

The difficulties depression brings are many, but just imagine trying to get on and do an ordinary day when:

• Your brain feels like someone removed it, put it on the shelf and filled your head with cotton wool instead.
• You feel anxious like you are about to take an exam on which the rest of your life depends
• Your inner voice is constantly telling you that you are rubbish, no one loves you and you might as well die.
• When you are presented with any kind of decision be it what to have for dinner or which pair of socks to put on, it puts you into an emotional tailspin
• You are thoroughly exhausted and either cant sleep at all or need to sleep 15 hours in every 24.
• You are full of grief like feelings which at times are so strong its physically painful.
• As you cope less and less, your world shrinks to fit what you can manage until you are shut indoors unable to make contact with anyone.

So what can we do to help someone? To be honest, my ideas mostly come down to making sure the person continues to know they are not forgotten and not alone. Pick the things you like and that are relevant, leave the rest.

Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels.com

Keep in contact

Bear in mind that not everyone will feel able to talk on the phone. Whatsapp, email and especially physical mail are really useful.

Try not to put people on the spot – “how are you” can floor people or make them feel like they need to get better quickly so they have something to say. Perhaps try “how has today been?” instead.

Small gifts or a handwritten note can give people physical evidence that they are cared for at a time when they can’t trust what their brain is telling them. There is so much out there for free to beautify anything you send (see links below for examples). Gifts which help self care are far more valuable than their material worth.

Pray

Whether you believe in God or not, how ever you are able, positive thoughts thoughts or asking Jesus for strength and healing – lift up your friend in prayer. It will make a difference to both of you.

Practical help

Even in these socially distanced times, it is possible to offer practical help. From shopping or providing home cooked meals or making phone calls on behalf of the person you are supporting.

Getting outdoors and exercise are incredibly valuable but it can feel just too much to get out of the door alone. Organising to go walking with someone where you turn up on their doorstep at a prearranged time, prepared to wait while someone gets ready because they haven managed to do that yet, is a real gift.

The crisis card

pinterest.co.uk/

A crisis card or plan, is something a person writes while they are well. In it they detail what they would like to happen if they become really unwell. It is invaluable because it helps that person remain in control of their lives and gives you, the helper a list of things that really do help. If you are in a good enough relationship with someone, this is something you might suggest to them. Blurt Foundation Crisis Plan.

Get help and get educated

Helping someone with a mental illness can mean being in for the long haul. It can also take a lot out of you. So dont go it alone. As a minimum, have someone in your life you can speak to in confidence and how YOU are. But also, where ever possible, get a few of the person’s friends/relatives together and figure out who is going to do what and when, so that you can week by week support the person without burning out yourself.

Finally, make sure you sre up to date with your own knowledge. Have a look round some of the following websites:

• The Blurt Foundation
• Mind
• Young Minds
• Mind and Soul Foundation

I hope this has helped you. If it has, please pass it on to others. If it allows people who are low or depressed to live a more empowered and loved life, I will be a happy woman.

Creative links

http://sweetlyscrappedart.blogspot.com/p/freebies.html

100+ Free Printables For Your Home (Printable Art for Every Room in Your House!)

Free Printables Library

Free Printables https://www.thedesignhippo.com/free-printable-positive-affirmations-to-tell-yourself-daily/?epik=dj0yJnU9YzY3RDFCVFpoWXYwckNhNS1vS1BXRXFXMnFXd2N1MVEmcD0wJm49WUFiemk4ek5MVl9TLUFGdTNMcVM5dyZ0PUFBQUFBR0FhaVA4

Ultimate Roundup of FREE Journaling + Filler Card Printables

20 Easy Motivational Self Care Bullet Journal Ideas

Something new, something old and preferably nothing blue.

So apparently the meaning of my life starts today, as I turn 42 😊

And I am planning to take hold of this coming year with both hands.

I saw a @tearfundlife  article recently on how our lives can be a place:

where the outsider is brought close, the excluded are ushered in and the down-trodden are given refuge.

This matters a great deal to me and I want my life to be:

  a roaring fireplace of safety and warmth, rather than a mat that tells you to wipe the dirt from your feet before entering.

So figuring out what that looks like this year is my top priority.

I have other priorities, never stop learning, keep on being creative, find wonder wherever I can and stay well.

So my something new is going to be joining a flower arranging club in January.

My something old will be continuing the diploma I have been doing… well forever really. And the future learn courses I have on the go, and maybe one or two more.
Finally I intend to keep in top of my health, so no blue for me hopefully,  just the gym, proper sleep, lots of prayer and healthy food.

I wonder, what would your old, new and not blue things be?

Recent #inspirational finds

There is always so much to see on the Internet and just put and about. I thought I would share some of the things that have inspired me recently.

Bullet journaling 

I have been organising myself using a bullet journal for the lady couple of weeks. I really like the concept and I also I like how customisable the who thing is. My day pages have a diary space, room for notes and the weather as well as a day journal and scripture  journal:

I also have some goal pages:

Action for happiness, the Blurt Foundation and TWLOHA

Have all posted cool stuff recently:

And last but not least 

The young people I work with inspire me all the time. This felted star was made by a young man in my lunch club – he had never touched a felting needle before:

Drying #mint for #tea and #mindfulness

I like herb tea more and more, especially since I was given this:

It makes the whole thing so much more of a treat. 

And it turns out, drying your own herbs adds to the experience. I know green tea is good for you but that doesn’t stop it tasting too earthy for my liking on it’s own. 

Mint to the rescue. And mint on its own, especially if you pick it and steep it straight away is just heavenly. 

So I thought I would also try drying it. So far, so good:

All this time taken, just for a cuppa you ask?

But the time taken allows me to savour and enjoy my cup of tea in a way slinging a bag in a mug just wouldn’t allow for and it leaves me much more satisfied.

Mindfulness has its uses.

#poetry Thankyou Mr. T.

Thank you.

I never say it enough

Not about what matters.

So easy to say thank you

For a door held open

A cup of tea

Or a fork passed.

But what I really want to say is…

Thank you for loving me

At my most morning grouch,

Thank you for holding me

In my darkest grieving. 

Thank you for doing what you said you would right at the start, 

Even though it has meant sickness as well as health,

More skint than rich,

More moving house,

And changing jobs 

Than either of us imagined.

Thank you so much for making me laugh so much,

For showing interest in the garden, 

When you could be gaming.

Thank you for being

My life partner in crime,

But most of all,

Thank you 

for being you. 

#mentalhealth voices: lived, supporting or professional, get your voice heard.

This week I am curating the twitter feed mh_voices.

It is always a privalage to hear other people’s stories and I am using this week to get as many people heard as possible. I may not be a politician or a celebrity and my voice may not get heard very far away, but listening is an act of love, and as mother Theresa said:

“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”

So this week I get to help promote the voices of people who sometimes find even getting out of bed and dressed takes all the mental strength they have… and yet get up and go to work/college/school anyway. Surely this is worth hearing.

So many people with mental ill health get on each day and do the same day as their co workers but it takes the courage of heroes to do.

Here is to their often unnoticed battle.

I see you.

More #garden #happiness

My parents visited for the weekend and came bearing many gifts in plant form, so the border  and my little sun trap are looking just lovely now:

Also R and my dad carried the fig tree through from its temporary home out the front of the house so it’s all good.

Today the sun has come out for a little while so along with putting my new plants in, I spent time watering everything in, in the sunshine.
That is probably my definition of happiness 🙂

#timetotalk addendum

Today the lovely people at the Blurt Foundation posted this on their instagram:

It’s so true. I hate having to spend so much time and effort just to remain well.
Others sail through the week without so much as a thought to the fact that they are well – it is taken for granted.
Don’t get me wrong, I am so very grateful to be well. I notice it all the time and thank  God for it.
But all the same. All that time and energy spent maintaining wellness. Imagine what I could do if being well was effortless and I could use all that energy for something else. Imagine the projects that could be started, the goals achieved…
So yes, this little cartoon does indeed, say it all.

The new house, first proper time in the #garden

We always seem to move in winter. I’m glad that our intention is to stay put this time, I would dearly like to see a garden into its third summer.
Anyway, winter has the advantage of the full growing season ahead and today I began my vegetable patch.
It is more pertinent than ever since R and I became vegans.

Growing our own food is one.of those things which is at the heart of my world view and I am glad to have dug the first border:

I’m digging two three meter by half a meter borders because that’s the size of the cloches I have. Our youngest dog was “helping” me:

It has started to rain so I have.come in.for a cup of tea and to write this, which suits the oldest pooch just fine:

There isn’t much space in our new garden what with decking, fish pond complete with inherited fish and two sheds, but I am determined we will eat as much home grown food as I can muster.